well, i was suddenly thinking about stuffs.. like how good life was when I was overseas traveling with my beloved friends, away from the restricting parenting i've at home. some of my friends (xiaoxuan for instance) would envy that my parents are actually strict to me at home, asking me to get home asap when its 11pm. However, I don't find that agreeable to my character at all. In fact, I become more rebellious. The worse is when you get scolded for something you did not do, or for something of which the idea would never have conceived in your head. Well, it kinda sucks when people devalue your character, and make you sound totally useless, like a slug (sorry to the real animal out there) or just like a parasite. make you sound like someone without a brain, without any know-how. Well, that's how it felt. I guess devalue-ing their children is something most parents do when they get angry, but i dun understand why it happens. I mean, just to make yourself feel more miserable, you insult your children. that's how ridiculous it sounds. Especially if the insult is made without any evidence of being true.
Well, i was initially gonna write about how amazing it was to live life without the constraints of parenting. But once i thought of that, i couldn't help but be reminded of the harsh realities. Why does my mom view me as a useless bum? It's because I did not do well in my O levels, did not do well in my A levels, and subsequently am getting second lower honors in my degree, which is so embarassing for her to mention to ALL her friends who value meritocracy and material needs, as are the other 99.99 percent of our local population. Well, what is success? Success is seen as possessing material wealth (they call it financial wealth, which i otherwise call as shallow and unreal), car (well, a car in singapore is something close to committing financial suicide, think of the high COE and ERP and Parking and whatnot), etc.. Well you get my idea. Since all these things are immaterial, what exactly is important in our life?
I really duno. Just a few days ago, I was thinking of how meaningless life is getting, with many things going out of hand and such. I mean, although initially I was hurt and upset, now I feel like angry that I was victimised for irrational things I did not even cause in the 1st place. Even though it could have been like a PMS or menopause, I don't think I should pathologise the anger-out episode as such, and forget that it might be caused by other factors. I mean, through studying the psychology of gender violence, we also learn not to think of the perpetrators of violence as being psychotic, since that view disolves them of the blame for the crime they've committed, and pushes the responsibility to the victims. We wouldn't agree to letting rape victims shoulder the crimes committed on them, right?
Anws, i realise I could ramble forever about this.
So just to conclude, I'm deeply disturbed at the state of things at home now. (short n sweet)
1 comment:
Post a Comment